You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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