i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
