I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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