normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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