If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
