why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
