Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
there is glitter all over my balls
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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