I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize