Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
