My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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