Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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