Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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