I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
