My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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