i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
