I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
