Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Terrible idea I love it
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
