It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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