im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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