no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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