What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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