Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
