TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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