Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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