D3 body, D1 cock
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
