We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
