you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
