i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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