Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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