Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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