you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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