i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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