you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize