it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize