Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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