I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
