I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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