so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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