i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
