forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
