I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
