If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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