So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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