fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
