Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
