college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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