i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize