Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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