shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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