I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
try to milk me bitch
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
