Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
