I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That accounts for only three of the penises
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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