keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
