So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
