took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
