It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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