We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The adults are the big ones right?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
