You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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