get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
