I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
