Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
