I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
