he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
