I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
