she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
