dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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