she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
