I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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