All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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