If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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