how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize