life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
