the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
