Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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