Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
