ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
