Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
that may or may not have been my penis.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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